For 2 Years

i'm feel very sorry for my blog huhu
its such a long time i neglected my this blog. first time i posted in 2012, and its already 2014.
for 2 years i didn't post anything.

i'm sorry...very big sorry

and for make up my bad attitude for you (talking with my blog) i'll tell you some story that happened for 2 years.

first is about my journey, all experiences i had, up and down situation i already had when being a jobseeker. actually, until this time i still be a joobseeker

for 2 years, i tried my best to looking for a job that i thought it was suitable for me, i thought i deserve it, or i thought have the capability to do it. but, how many time i tried to not give up, my effort to seek a job still not have a good result. hahaha

thought those feeling being rejected was painful enough but, i tried my best to not let my hope gone. the one thing i try to hold tight is faith. my faith in God, is the only hope had in past 2 years.

some friends of mine said to me , my effort to get a job is enough. enough to try hard, enough to do the best i can, enough to hold the grudge feeling inside my heart. so, simply put is the differences between insane and not insane is very slim. hahaha

sometime i'm wondering, is my faith not enough? or am i not good enough?  or am i not pull out my best try? or something like that. the matter is i'm just feel like a hopeless girl.

honestly, i lost my confident, i felt, me just not me. i'm afraid to make a plan of my life. afraid to have a dream, afraid to have goal of my life. feeling like a ordinary people, do the same thing everyday, every single day, i always ask my self "when is my time come?" or "when i finally find my job?" those lines repeating in mind over and over again. somehow, its driving me crazy.

but, that the reality i have to face. i have to face it bravely. not running away from that or even feeling a shame because of it. acceptance is the way i can deal those unfair feeling.

like i said before, now  my faith in God is the only strength i had to face bravely all of it. sounds pretty sad, isn't it? but, yes, i admit it.

if i can say out loud, i just wanna say "GOD, give me your strength to wait with all of my patience your right time for me to finally get a good job" AMIIIEEENN (-,-) as a human, all i can do is pray and put my faith in your Hand GOD. i TRUST you GOD, BELIEVE in you GOD amien


sorry again, if my second posting is like this. but, THANKYOU